A Letter to My Daughter

 Dear Natalie,

Here we are.  On your 18th birthday.  I can't believe how fast it went by.  I remember when you turned nine and I realized I was halfway.  It seems like yesterday.  I know to you it seems like forever.  I promise you the years go faster and faster the older you get.  

Remember how I wrote a letter to you before you were born?  Well today I am writing to you before you begin the adult chapter of your life.  Let me share my heart with you first.

I remember so much about your life.  I remember when I was pregnant with you and would feel you move.  I remember talking to you and singing to you as you did summersaults.  I remember how you kept kicking and punching me the day that you were born.  I remember how nervous I was as I laid there waiting to go into the operating room.  I remember hearing your first cry.  I remember holding you for the first time.  So little. So beautiful.  My throat gets a lump in it just thinking about it now.  

I remember you smiling at me for the first time.  I remember your laugh.  I remember when you started rolling and then crawling around.  I thought those days would never end.  And then one day you started walking and then running.  You would run back and forth through the apartment.  I followed you around all day everyday.  We would watch Sesame Street everyday before your nap time.  I would take you to the spare bedroom, pick out a book, and rock you in the rocking chair and read to you then keep rocking until you fell asleep.  The hour you slept was the only break I had in my day to sit still and not run after you.  And I remember being so anxious for you to wake up again because I just loved being with you.  My heart hurt the first time I had to drop you off at daycare so I could go to college.  I never wanted to leave you.

When you turned three I remember I wanted to buy a Barbie Jeep Powerwheels for you for Christmas.  I wanted you to be able to enjoy it while you were still little enough to.  I"m so glad I did.  That Christmas we spent so much time outside as you drove around in your Jeep with the radio blasting.  

I remember when you were four and your dad and I divorced.  My heart was broken, but it was also broken for you.  I know how much you missed your daddy and I never wanted you to feel that he didn't love you.  I worked hard to make sure you got to see him as much as possible.  I made sure to protect you from any adult issues going on.  I wanted you to be happy.

I remember when we were able to move to Killeen together.  I never intended for us to stay in Texas.  I thought we would live in Killeen for a short time and then move to Indiana.  But God had other plans.  After marrying Erik the time just seems to have gotten away from me.  Every year blended into the next and when I think back on those years I want to cry thinking about how much I lost you.  I wish I had taken more time with you.  I wish my focus hadn't been spread so thin.  

And then suddenly you were a teenager and then you were gone.  I messed up a lot.  I wasn't my best.  You saw the ugly side of me.  

What I really want to say to you on your 18th birthday is that I love you.  I have loved you longer than anyone else on this Earth (except your dad.  We are probably equal on that).  I think you are the most amazing human being that I've ever met.  I want you to know that I would move mountains for you.  I would give up everything for you.  There is nothing I wouldn't do if you needed it.  

As you navigate through this next chapter in your life I want you to remember this.  I will always be there.  Call me ANYTIME.  If I need to hop on a flight to get to you, I will.  I can make it happen within a couple of hours.  Never feel like you can't tell me something.  I will listen to you and try to help in anyway you want me to.  I am so excited to watch where your life takes you.  I'm so excited to see the blessings that are in store for you.

Remember this - God.  He loves you.  He is with you.  When life is at its worst, God is still at His best.  Lean on Him.  

I am so proud of you.  You are beautiful inside and out.  Keep shining your light.  Keep dreaming big dreams.  Keep loving others with that big heart that you have.

All my love to my sweet baby girl - that is no longer a baby - or even a child!  Happy Birthday to my Adult girl - Natalie Linette.

Love, 

Mom