Gwenny's Growing

This morning I got up and went to change Gwen into some warm clothes.  The weather changed today and the high is only about 75 degrees.  The low this morning was in the 40s!  As I'm looking through her drawers of clothes, I'm noticing that nothing will fit her anymore!  Everything in that drawer was either a newborn or 0-3 month size.  I knew it was time to pack it up and bring some new stuff in.  Why is this so much harder to do this time around?
So I laid Gwen on the floor in her room and listened to her coo as I held up each outfit and determined that 'yes, it is too small.' It was hard to believe that the newborn onsies actually fit her and were loose on her at one time.  Why is it I didn't notice she was growing?  So we filled a box with clothes and now have about 6 or 7 outfits that will fit.  Time to go shopping again!  And what will I do with that box?  Well, that is what is so hard about this.  Before I was able to put it in the garage and save it for the next baby.  Only this time I know for certain that there won't be another baby.  My time of building a family is over.  Our family is complete.  Gwen will forever be the 'baby' of the family.  And so with a heavy heart I must determine what to do with those clothes.  I must find someone to give them to that is just beginning to build their family.  How did I get this old?  Wasn't it yesterday that I was 19 years old and commuting to college from my parents' house?  Adults always tell you how fast time flies and how quickly life goes by, but I never really believed it.  I  just thought that is something old people say.  Well, here I am, 31 years old and packing away the last of the newborn baby clothes that I will ever need in this house.  Oh time, please slow down!!!  I need to stop typing now so I can pick up the crying baby laying in her boppy behind me.  I need to soak up every minute that I have to hold her because all too soon I will be typing about her first birthday, her first day of school, her graduation...
Ok, life, I'm walking away from the computer.  Don't keep moving without me!

A Beautiful Life

Ok, so its been an eternity since I last updated this blog.  I'm not very good at keeping up with things like this.  But I just have to document this moment in time when life feels so beautiful and perfect.  My little Gwendolyn Hope was born on July 12, 2011.  She is 8 weeks old as I write this and the most precious thing in the world.  I love holding her and watching her. I love the faces she makes, the noises, the way she holds her hands in a fist sometimes and has her fingers spread as wide as they will go other times.  Seeing her look at something and feel joy is evident in the way she kicks her feet.  I can tell she wants to touch things and go over to things she sees, but she has no idea how.  There is something so magical about this time in childhood development.  When she sees me talk to her or make noises with my tongue she studies my mouth and tries to copy what I'm doing. I know that any day now I will hear that first, sweet laugh.  I can't wait.  She is such a happy baby.  She hardly ever cries and sleeps so well at night.  I'm truly blessed.  I know she is my last baby and so I'm soaking in every moment, trying to remember to grab that camera as much as possible.  (I'm not good at remembering to take pictures!)
Natalie is in 2nd grade now and growing so fast.  She no longer wants me to hug or kiss her when we are in public.  I can't believe that embarrassment of your parents happens this young!  She is so smart and thoughtful. She loves giving of herself, her time, her money, or things to others.  She will give away her last dime or her last doll to anyone in need without a second thought.  I love that about her.  I love that she is so sensitive.  She is always worried if she has upset someone or if she has done something wrong.  She truly wants to do what is right, both in the eyes of her parents and society and in the eyes of God.  She has already invited our neighbor to a church event.  Her friend had never been to our kind of church before and when it was over she said, "wow, that was so fun.  Thank you for taking me.  I want to come back."  Wow!  God is using my daughter to reach people already, and she is only 7.
Jada with her quiet spirit reminds me so much  of myself.  Timid and shy with strangers, she follows the lead of others before she takes the lead herself.  Its funny that we aren't blood related and yet I see so much of my childhood self in her.  I love watching Jada with her little sister Gwendolyn.  She has always been the youngest in the family up until this point.  I half wondered to myself if she would get jealous of Gwen after she was born.  Boy was I wrong!  Jada is like a little mommy.  She hears every little cry and whimper like no one else in the house besides me.  Not even Erik notices Gwendolyn's whimpers at first.  Jada often comes sweeping in to Gwen's rescue with a pacifier, a toy, or a spit up rag.  Such a sweet big sister she is.  I love seeing the love in her eyes like that.
Kaleigh is a bold and confident 7th grader.  She is completely the opposite of me in every way.  Outgoing and carefree she can talk up a quiet room for hours.  Sometimes I wonder if she will ever stop for breath!  Kaleigh surprises me the most.  When Erik and I got married she wanted nothing to do with it.  Looking at our family picture from our wedding day everyone is smiling...but Kaleigh!  She stands with a frown on her face.  I remember Erik forcing her to stand there and pose for that picture.  And today she accepts me as if I was her own mother.  In fact, she wants me to act as Mom #2 in everyway.  I love that!  She is such a fun girl to be around.  There is never a dull moment when Kaleigh is in the room and she always has a kind word for everyone.  Gosh I love it when that girl comes over and gives me a hug and says, "Hi keri.  I just wanted to give you a hug!"  Yay!  And Kaleigh I just want to tell you how much I love you!
Life is beautiful.  For all the moments that I complain about being tired or feeling overwhelmed, or hating my job because I'm not a good sales person...I have to say life really is so close to perfect right now.  For as bad as I am at convincing people to buy computers from me, I am getting paid to sit at home in my office and talk to people.  Wow!  All I have to do is be friendly, learn a little bit about them, have fun talking to them, and see if they want to buy a really great computer.  All from the privacy and comfort of my own home.  This has to be the best job ever!
And then there is Erik.  The best husband I could have imagined for myself.  Kind and giving, he always puts family first... well first after God.  For as annoying as I can be sometimes, his patience with me seems endless.  It is so fun being married to your best friend.  I love spending time talking to him, watching movies, or just hanging out.
Tears come to my eyes when I really let myself think about how blessed I am.  I did nothing to deserve this. Its just an extension of God's love for me and of his grace.  I know I am already saved from an eternity of seperation from God after this life, but I am also saved from a lonely and pitiful existence in this life as well.  God's blessings keep reigning down on me.  Oh how beautiful!  Oh what a beautiful life!  And I'm only 30!  Thank you, thank you my God!  I love you!

Listen to this playlist: kerilynn13's playlist

The Worst Blogger in The World

Wow! I can't believe its been over a year since I last posted anything to this blog. I think this makes me the worst blogger in the world.

Well, it is definitely time for me to give an update on what is going on in my life. I quit teaching a few months ago. Yay! I can't explain how wonderful it feels to be free from the stress and responsibility of running a classroom. No more papers to grade, no more lesson plans to write, no more deadlines to keep up with for paperwork, meetings, RTI, etc. It feels so good to have more time to spend at home. In fact, I am now able to spend all of my time at home! I am working from home for Apple Computers. That means I get to sleep in late, keep my house clean, and then go to work in the afternoon in my bedroom! Love it!

I am also taking classes to work towards my masters degree in counseling. My goal is to complete the degree within four years (going part time) and one day have my own counseling office.

My other big news is that I am pregnant! :-)

Erik and I are expecting our first child together in July. We still don't have a name picked out yet. It is very difficult trying to come up with a name when I know so many people and I have worked as a teacher.

Erik and I are also having a house built. Right now we are renting and are really looking forward to owning our own place.

So that is my life over the past year. Lots of excitement, and lots of changes. I am really looking forward to all that God has for us in this upcoming year! I feel so blessed with everything that has happened to me over the years. Looking back to see how far I have come makes my heart swell with joy. A long time ago I would have thought to myself, "wow, life is too good right now. Something bad is about to happen." I always waited for the other shoe to drop. I have learned so much since then. God actually desires to bless us. He wants to give us life and life more abundantly. Of course he said that in this world we would have troubles. We live in an imperfect world, but God will work all things for good for those that love him. I soooo love Him. And I know that whatever hardships await me in this coming year, God will work them out for good. My family is truly blessed. I have a husband who loves God and longs to serve him, I have wonderful children who are obedient and kind, and I have parents that are saved and growing in Him every single day. If you knew me when I was young you would see how God can take something sad and make it beautiful, how he can take heartache and make it into triumph. All we have to do is let Him. I'm glad I trusted Him with my life. I'm glad I let Him take control. He led me to Killeen, to Erik, to my new job, to repentance, to forgiveness, to peace, to happiness. Life is beautiful.

Mrs. Reynolds

I can't believe its 2010 already! How does time go so quickly?
I noticed my sister blogged about her experiences in the first decade of this century and it made me think of my own.
In the year 2000 I was a college student who was engaged to be married. I entered the year thinking I would be living in Indiana for the rest of my life. I would finish college, marry Jake, and we would live happily ever after in Lowell, Indiana. By the end of 2000 I was married to a military man, quitting school, and moving to Texas. I lost a piece of myself in the process of giving up my own life to follow his. I spiraled into a dark time of anger and resentment. I moved to England, nearly got divorced, reconciled, had a baby girl named Natalie, and moved back stateside. I moved to Texas, enrolled myself in college, got divorced and became a single mother, graduated college in spite of this, and became a teaching professional. And through all of it I transformed into a happier, more christlike person. I drew closer to God and made a lot of great friends. By the end of the decade I met the most amazing man.
How incredible is it that I start this new decade with a new last name? Reynolds.
I have to tell you that these past ten years have been a long journey. There were a few happy moments and a whole lot of pain. Through it all I learned how incredible my God is. How intimately he knows me, how passionately he would like to give me all the desires of my heart. I remembered the nights following the day Jake made the decision to leave me. I laid on the bed staring at my ceiling fan, tears streaming down my face, pleading out loud with God to please give me a second chance at a family. I wanted him to please let me be happy again.
God remembered me and my pleas.
I have to tell you that I wake up now and sometimes feel like all of this can not possibly be real. I feel like if I pinch myself I might wake up and find myself alone in my bedroom in San Antonio again. How can I possibly be this happy? How can life have turned out so good for me? Keri. The one who has always been a little too serious and a lot too depressed. I feel like I have a permanent smile in my heart now. The smile is not necessarily because of how amazing Erik is, but how amazing God is. When I couldn't get a job in San Antonio it was because he knew that I belonged here in Killeen. He knew that I was meant to be in this house in Killeen sitting at this computer right now, listening to the sound of Natalie and Jada playing barbies in the bedroom. How amazing it feels to be in the place God has intended. The love that I feel for God and for Erik and for this family is true and unselfish. For the first time in my life I feel like I can love unselfishly easily and I know that is a gift from Him.
Thank you God for transforming me a little more everyday. Thank you for the experiences I have had and the experiences you have in store for me. Thank you for the amazing gift of second chances. Thank you for Erik.
Sidenote: On our wedding day my knees were shaking so bad after I got done walking down the aisle. I stood in front of the pastor next to Erik and kept telling myself that I had to find a way to stop shaking or people would notice. And then the pastor told us to turn and face each other. So I gave my flowers to my sister, turned towards Erik and took his hand. In that second that I took his hand and looked in his eyes my knees stopped shaking, my heart slowed, and there was an incredible sense of peace that came over me. Erik and I were destined to be together. No question. I will spend the rest of my life honoring him and loving him. I am so blessed.

Birthday Hat

Today I took Natalie to gymnastics after school. She loves it! I'm so glad I found something for her to do that she is so passionate about. It makes me happy because it makes her happy.
After gymnastics we went to HEB to pick out a birthday cake for her party on Saturday. My baby girl is turning 6 on Thursday. I just can't believe it. It seems like yesterday that I was changing her diapers and rocking her to sleep. I miss those days....

At the grocery store we went through the whole book of cake designs before Natalie picked out a Barbie cake. She wanted the chocolate icing and she had to be sure that she would actually be able to keep the barbies that came on top. Once we had decided on the Barbie theme we went to the party store to get decorations and other supplies. She was so excited as she picked out the balloons, the napkins, the plates, the treat bags for her friends, the horns, etc. And then she noticed something.... "Mommy, where are the birthday hats?" she asked.
"Well Natalie it looks like they are all out of Barbie hats." I said. Just then my phone rang so I directed my attention to the phone. The next thing I know Natalie is on the floor with 4 packages of the next best thing to birthday hats, paper crowns! "Mom, I counted them. There are 16 here."
"No Natalie. These will break too easily and 16 isn't enough." I said.
"Well what are we going to do about the hats?" she asked again.
Geez Natalie! Who cares about the stupid paper hats! Can't we have a party without them? I'm thinking to myself. Ok, Keri. She's 6. Think of a solution.
"Well why don't we just get these butterfly birthday hats? They are still pink and purple so the colors match." I said.
"Ok Mom. That would be good." And with that she went skipping down the aisle towards the register, a big smile plastered on her face.
I got to the register, I made my purchases, I ordered balloons, and then we left.

On the drive home I started to think about the $76 dollars that I spent on plates, napkins, balloons, decorations, and those crazy hats. Its a lot of money for a bunch of paper products that will be tossed away within 20 minutes of unwrapping them. But then...how much longer do I have to do these simple things for my first born baby girl?

A paper hat. Nothing more than thin cardboard, cut and rolled into a cone. A stretchy string stapled to both ends. Couldn't cost more than a penny each to mass produce. And yet this item was so vitally important to her. I couldn't imagine putting that silly hat on my head for my birthday as an adult, and Natalie couldn't imagine her birthday without the silly hat.

Kids.

Simple,
Innocent.
Loveable.
Beautiful.

How much longer before the hat becomes silly to her? How many more birthdays will we have to have a hat? Oh my heart aches just thinking about the passing years. No one could ever be able to explain to a new mother how quickly the time goes...how precious it is. You just don't understand until you've lived it. I just want to hold on to these years forever. Paper hats, Barbie cakes, Barbie plates, etc. $76. Its worth it to me, because its only for a time.

playing with dolls

So I'm home with Natalie today because she has been diagnosed with Influenza A. Oh fun. Anyway, I thought I would take this time i have on my hands to blog a bit.

Yesterday Natalie and I were playing with dolls. When I was little my sister and I would always play dolls the traditional way. Of course there would be teenagers with boyfriends, etc, but there was always a mom, a dad, and the children. I noticed that Natalie does not play that way. I'm starting to realize how psychologists and counselors can use play therapy for kids. Natalie mirrors the world as she knows it through her dolls.

The dolls world went something like this....
Eric (the doll from the little mermaid) was married to Cinderella. They had three kids. One was tinkerbell, another some blonde doll, and a Dora doll. So Eric and Cinderella wanted to go out on a date. They talked about how they needed a babysitter. Eric said, "well we need someone to watch your kids and someone to watch my daughter that I got from Ariel when I was married to her." (Natalie is playing Eric) So then Eric calls Ariel and asks her if she can come and watch the kids so she does. Ariel then wants to kiss Eric when he comes home from his date but Eric says that he is with Cinderella now and he can't.
Wow! I couldn't believe that Natalie acted out this scenerio instead of just playing a mom, dad, and kids. I don't think in my world as a little girl I would have conceived of this possibility for my play.

Then this morning Natalie was teasing me about me not being a grown up. I said to her, "How am I living by myself then with my little girl if I'm a kid?"
Natalie said, "Well its because you don't have a boyfriend."
Oh boy, life in Natalie's world is so confusing! How can I explain to her the way God intended family to be? How do I explain why her world isn't like that? Geez! I just pray that she will end up having a healthy view of relationships when she is older. I hope her experiences now won't scar her for life! Maybe I just worry too much....